14 September 2009

You can't really blame this guy

If you're like me, you sometimes wonder who the heck these "ordinary Canadians" are, anyway? And how is it that they supposedly get to tell the government what they want and I don't? And why on earth do they expect so little? Given the imminent threat of an election, we're going to be hearing an awful lot about what these "ordinary Canadians" want so I decided to do a little research to see if I could find out more about them.

It wasn't easy to get this information, but with a bit of digging I found the following: "Ordinary Canadians" are actually just one fellow. You don't know his name, but you probably remember him. He's that guy that got whooped by the 60 year old Swede back in 1973 - Phil. He still hasn't quite gotten over the humiliation of that Participaction commercial (which showed the evenly matched jogging but not the double dutch or drunken bar fight which both ended badly) but he did eventually find some success selling cleaning supplies. He's got one adult son, who lives in the basement and still mourns his mother leaving when he was a child. He has 4 step children who seem to enjoy producing grandchildren for their mother, especially if she babysits them most of the time. His second wife, Frances, though her lessons were cut short as a child, is an enthusiastic accordian player. His first wife, Marcia, now lives in Stockholm with a charming and fit older gentleman.

Phil has been enjoying his retirement pretty much, but there is the problem of the pollsters who call everyday. Phil hasn't been able to hear right since Lars popped him back in '73 and that damned polka music playing in the background and all those kids tearing around don't help so he has developed a simple strategy for dealing with the telephone intrusion. He yells into the phone that he strongly agrees and please don't call me again. Somehow, all the political parties have gotten his number and he's considering changing it due to the continuous disruption, but he won't because he still holds out hope that Marcia might call and tell him that Lars had been hit by a Saab on one of his daily runs and she wants him to take her back.

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